Thursday, August 4, 2011

I Hate Lois Lane

Ok maybe that is a bit harsh but she certainly garners at least a handful of dislike and a frowny face. How can she swear to be in love with a man and not recognize him with glasses? Granted, no one in Metropolis connected Clark Kent with Superman but that's not the point. It does make you wonder if the entire city was full of SPEDs. They probably wouldn't see Joe Blow walking down the street in cammies either...you know because he is camouflaged...right? HAHAHAHA...whatever.
Perhaps it's the hair part that throws everyone off...


You do know I am talking about the original 1978 Superman right? Not an unoriginal remake and certainly not a piece of shit sequel with Richard Prior or Super Powerful Nuclear Men .
No Nuclear Man in this one!


Without taking this towards middle aged single living bitterness I would just like to point out that for generations men have fallen for cute idiots. Heck, if The Man of Steel can do it how much hope does the average schmuck really have?
Of course the average everyday schmuck doesn't look like this....


So, is it really Lois Lane's fault that Kal-El put her on a super high pedestal? I'm going to say yes. I am pretty sure behind the scenes she was giving him toe curling hummers. Can't prove it of course but she didn't look as if she really cooked so if she couldn't win him through his stomach with some down home cookin' she had to use the other tried and true way. Everyone knows that the way to a man's heart is through his balls.

Sigh, if only a man would stop the world and turn back time for me....is that edging towards bitterness? It probably is. I personally wouldn't expect a man to save me by messing with the natural order of time and space or give up his über cool powers to be with me either. What I want is a normal guy (who looks like Superman)(just kidding)(not really) who likes little dogs who hate all persons but me, who doesn't mind if our place has more dust bunnies than air molecules, who doesn't care if I squeeze the toothpaste from the middle, who knows my food can't touch each other on my plate, who will let me drive everywhere because I'm too controlling to be a passenger, who thinks my anal OCD-type ways are cute, who knows airplanes are fast but agrees with my 'getting there is half the fun' theory and jumps into the passenger seat for hours on end to get to our vacation destination, who just says "you're adorable" when I bring another book home even though he is 99.9% sure I already own it, who hands me the remote control and says "Whatever you want to watch is fine with me.", and agrees that Hair Bands were unjustly snuffed out by the Evil Grunge Movement way before their time. Is that too much to ask?

3 comments:

  1. You got my AMEN on the Hair Bands! One of my favorite movies ever is Rock Star with Mark Wahlberg (sp? too lazy to look it up). *co-worker at office sees mascara on him - "I'm in a band, man!"*

    Great post and great blog! I've been surfing around and really enjoyed. Keep it up!

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  2. Hm. Maybe Louis needs glasses too.

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  3. I have comments? How the fuck did that happen? Thank you both for actually reading my rant and taking the time to comment and I'm totally just pretending that you purposely ventured here and it wasn't just some freak google search gone wrong.

    Opticynicism....so glad my stalking of you paid off. Thank you for giving me something funny to read every day. Someday I hope to be a real blogger like you. And Rock Star is such a great movie and someday I hope to watch it. (Just kidding.)(Not really.)

    Tazer....She totally needs a pair and so does every citizen of Metropolis. And by 'pair' I mean glasses....or not...the sexual innuendos are limitless and the potentially dirty combinations of this statement makes me giggle like a 12 year old boy.

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