I-uh-I-I-I want the kniiiiiiife......pleeeeeeeease!

I was skimming my Facebook Timeline (thanks a lot for that shit FB!) just to see if I might have missed a life altering post like this....

or this....

And what do I find but one of my Cafe World posts asking for all my FBies (pronounced Phoebes by the way)  to click on as many of my thousands of irritating game posts as they can in order to become one of  mother's little helpers (because barbiturates are so 1960s) and raise me up through the pissant ranks of McDonalds fry cook to Wolfgang Puck greatness for a game that makes us cook deviled eggs for 18 hours and a chicken pot pie for 2 days to reach the ultimate goal of level eleventy-million. But I digress....

This post was just silly as it was asking for help getting me some knife. Truly. Take a Looksee...

So, yeah...in addition to the whole silliness of me needing some knife I now have Eddie Murphy in my head asking for some knife like this....

The Magic is Gone Mike......

......assuming it was even there to begin with of course.

Guess what I went to see tonight. Come on....guess. Party Pooper. Tah-Dah!

All I have to say is it's a good thing that Channing can dance and looks good neked. The best part of the movie was the dancing. There should have been more of it. Seriously. Half the movie has boring characters having dull conversations. Magic Mike tried too hard to have a serious plot instead of being a fun/funny movie.

 Didn't Hollywood learn their lesson from Show Girls?

Anyway, the plot was about, well, I'm not sure what the plot was about actually. A hot male stripper who works a million and a half other jobs but really wants to make custom made furniture yet we never actually see him make anything. Or maybe it was the 19 year old who decided he wanted to be Magic Mike and spent the whole movie taking off his clothes, drinking, popping pills, having sex with random women and selling drugs. Oh, I know, it could have been about the smarmy over the hill male stripper who used the talents of his young dancers to expand his club and reputation, kind of pimp like actually.

Well, whatever. It pretty much failed at all of it. Don't get me wrong, there were some interesting parts and parts that made me laugh. Honestly Channing Tatum did have some fairly descent one liners but overall most of the speaking parts were delivered in a monotonous way. And there were way too many of them. I went to see stripping. There wasn't enough stripping.

So the best part of Show Guys was the dancing....

On a side note I'm really glad Matthew McConautool finally found the part of his lifetime. A movie that had a legitimate reason for him to take off his shirt. OMG I have to also share that there was an odd and slightly disturbing marble bust of Mr McTool in this movie. I strongly suspect that it is personal property of Mattie-boy and came out of his bathroom where he could lovingly gaze at an immortalized replica of his self appointed greatness while pinching one off as often as possible.

Did I mention the neked dancing was pretty hot?

You know what? I feel really bad for the other 4 men who really didn't get their fair share of the spotlight. They are just as hot (well except for the one guy they called Tarzan). Ok maybe I'm just upset because I didn't get enough of Joe Manganiello. 

 

Getting warmer......

 

Yep I'm feeling better already....

I hope he brought his hose.....

Was it as good for you as it was for me????

La-la-la-la I Can't Hear You!

Spent some quality time with my family tonight and regrettably it will forever be with me and I can't scrub it from my memory. I now have the first entry onto my "Shit My Dad Says....(that I wish he would never say again)" list. 

Didn't know I had one of those did you? I didn't really need one up until tonight. I just blew off the crap that usually comes out of my dads mouth as random ramblings from a man too settled into negativity and inappropriateness.

Tonight's enlightenment stems from it being my dad's birthday tomorrow. As a reminder of sorts he asked my sister and I tonight if we were going to pool our money together and get him a hooker.

What?!?!?!

Really Dad? We aren't that kind of family! It isn't like we a sit around drinking beer together, elbowing each other during the game when the cheerleaders start jumping around, saying "Look at the jugs on that one Pops! I could motorboat the shit out of those!".

For one thing I'm not a son. I'm not even a butchy lesbian that my dad introduces as Bill his almost son. Nope. I'm one of his girls that he helped produce 30 odd years ago that played with Barbies and loves the color pink. XX Chromosomes Dad....not XY. Oh, and my mom and him are MARRIED.

Anyway, after his hooker question my sister (who apparently shares some sort of weird inappropriate verbal spewage gene with him) (not like my brand of verbal spewage which is witty and often laugh inducing if I do say so myself) spouts off paraphrasing a Bloodhound Gang song. "It ain't Mom's job to fuck you on your birthday." Which actually doesn't even make any sense because if Mom was fucking him he wouldn't need a hooker now would he? AAAAACK!!!!!!

That was me after my sister started talking. It would have been me as soon as my dad started talking but I've been sick lately and my reflexes are slightly off. Usually I have cat like reflexes and stealth like a ninja. True story.

There are multiple words and phrases that should never associate with certain people in my life. I won't get into all of them but know that #1 is Sex + Dad and/or Mom. I am happy to live in lala-land where I just know the Stork lovingly left me in my mom and dad's living room and a year and a half later during a Gypsy Hazing event my sister was left on their doorstep. (What? You thought you were either born a Gypsy or not huh? Nope. It's more of a Fraternity + Sorority. A Fratority? They have some really kick ass parties but only if you can find them.)

So yeah. I never want to hear my dad mention sex. Ever.

Being a very visual person I end up with mental movies going on in my head. So if you mention the most disgusting thing you came across today in detail I will see it in my head. I don't want one of my dad doing.....I can't even finish that. I got a little urpy just typing it that far.

As far as the Bloodhound Gang goes, their songs really crack me up even the one my sister referenced but I would have let my dad's comment just die a quick and natural death whereas my sister doesn't have the ability to let shit lay where ever it falls.  

But anyway, for those of you out there who really aren't that familiar with the group (and no. knowing their song Bad Touch doesn't make you an expert.) here is a Youtube video. The song is called No Hard Feelings....