Sunday, July 25, 2010

Random crap....or maybe just Pretzels

While strolling through my mega list of blogs that I follow I stumbled upon a friend of a friend of a friend who I don't know from Adam but thought her blog about chips vs. pretzels was kind of silly, a little pointless but yet it totally entertained me for several minutes and I thought I would share.

Jenn's original blog idea, which I totally copied but with some minor alterations I made it my own so therefore should not in anyway infringe on her creative writings whatsoever (in theory anyway, based completely on the music industry's irresponsible hip-hop examples) can be seen here.... Pretzels or Chips.

So this blog post got me thinking....it does happen occasionally....about Pretzels. I like 'em. They aren't my favorite snack food idea but they are quite munchable. My only problem is that unless you get the proper pretzel to liquid ratio correct you end up with a mouth full of pretzel paste.

Pretzel Paste by definition is the dough like residue that builds up when one's mouth does not produce enough spit to turn the pretzel from a hard solid form into a swallowable consistency.

So, what does this have to do with anything? It really doesn't other than I don't care for pretzel paste and need a glass of water  handy when eating pretzels. Oh and Pretzel flavored Mt. Dew isn't as appealing as it sounds, I wouldn't recommend it.

Friday, July 16, 2010

No tolerance for idiots....

First off I have to tell you that I worked for over a decade with adults with special needs. Many of them were mentally challenged. I really have an endless supply of patience when it comes to those people. Honest I do. However, lately, I have noticed my tolerance for people with "normal" IQs who act like complete idiots is diminishing. I don't know if it is the fact that I am fast approaching 40 or that the pollutants in our air and soil are causing certain stupid people to meet certain other stupid people resulting in the world crisis of a baby boom of breeding fucktards or what. But let me tell you, it's an epidemic.

Went to Runza not to long ago and ordered myself a Swiss Cheese Mushroom Runza (yummo!) and ordered my mom a Swiss Cheese Mushroom Burger with only mustard. I don't work at Runza. I don't know what they put on their sandwiches. Some places put mustard, ketchup and pickles standard. Some places you get lettuce and tomatoes too. Runza apparently gives you dumb asses taking orders. After a long pause once I ordered my mom's sandwich the disembodied female voice (I'll call her Dumb-Ass-Woman or DAW for short) had a couple of questions....
DAW--What was after that Swiss Cheese Mushroom Runza?
Me--A Swiss Cheese Mushroom Burger with only mustard.
DAW--Ma'am the Swiss Cheese Mushroom Burger doesn't come with mustard."
Me--(after an eye roll and a mental WTF) OK, can I get that with mustard only?
DAW--Do you want the mushrooms and cheese?
Me--(reigning in my smart ass remarks, biting my tongue, and putting on a smile) Yes that would be great. A Swiss Cheese Mushroom Burger with Swiss cheese, mushrooms and mustard.

Am I really losing my ability to accept stupidity with grace and a shoulder shrug? Did I even have that ability or am I just being bombarded more recently without having the experience of shrugging it off over this last decade because it truly is becoming some sort of wide swept affliction?

Monday, July 12, 2010

I write therefore I am

I have an acquaintance from high school who recently took up blogging. Maybe he actually has been blogging for a while but I just discovered his (possibly new) blog and  eagerly check in with it everyday to see what he has written about.

I am never disappointed, he writes several things daily. His blog posts are always so.....hmmmm....eloquent Yep, that would be the word to describe them. His topics are always thought provoking and entertaining. His posts often ask rhetorical questions that I myself always wonder just never actually thought to ask.

Knowing that he is writer and I am in awe with his blog it makes me wonder about my own blog. Is it worth even writing? Worth reading? Worth a pile of petrified poo?

The unwritten rules of blogging state that you should first and foremost blog for your own enjoyment.

Do I blog because I enjoy it? Yep. Well, maybe. I mean I kinda do. I definitely don't do it for the masses. I currently have 2 followers on my blog (shout out to ya girls!) so I am pretty sure I am not entertaining the troops with my various posts on weird shit that pops into my head. But I have to wonder if I blog because I truly like it or because the wallflower (how's that for an old word?) in me is tired of being ignored. I kind of feel like throwing open my window and shouting "I'm mad as hell and I'm not going to take it anymore!" (obscure movie quote from the movie Network by the way) but now thanks to the Internet I won't get into trouble for screaming out my window at 3am. I can just blog about it.

I often have things to say but just end up letting other people talk over me so much that now that I have a captive audience (all 2 of you) I'm in 5th or 6th heaven. Not sure if I get more followers if that will elevate me up to 7th Heaven or not......

So, I am still not sure if I blog for my own enjoyment or if I am a troubled kid crying out for attention. Honestly I don't give two shits one way or another but I have to admit I like my finished products and if someone else has read them and likes what they read that's cool too.

That leaves me with another unwritten rule of blogging. You don't have to be a writer to blog. OK I just made that one up. It's a good rule though. I might have to write that one down.

So, I might not ever write anything remotely awe inspiring as my acquaintance can but I'm going to keep on keeping on...er....blogging on.

*unprofessional author's note--The entire topic of this post was based on a 10 second thought process my brain underwent after reading a post by said acquaintance. I am pretty sure I dedicated more time writing about it than I did actually thinking about it. I am in no way comparing myself or my writing to that of a professional nor do I ridicule myself for not creating an award winning prose. It was more of a "Blogging...why bother." moment which has now passed. I solemnly swear to never go in this direction again.

Friday, July 9, 2010

Are there any Good Remakes out there???

So yesterday Carolyn and I went to the old as dirt theater here in CB to see Nightmare On Elm Street. As you may remember I was pretty pessimistic about it too. I was right about that by the way.

First I feel the need to explain our little run down theater. It was quite the hoppin' place back in the 1970's and unfortunately never updated. The screen is like watching a 13" television from across the room and the seats...well those I think are rather new because they bought them from another theater that probably bought theirs from another theater who bought theirs from....anyway, the seats are not that bad and now they even have cup holders. Yes our little theater is moving on up. Before 6pm tickets cost only $2...after 6 they are $3. Not bad. The popcorn though is best left alone. Last time I ate it I had a hard time choking down the stale kernels. Oh and after a sat down I stepped onto something of substance....under my shoe it felt about the size of a candy bar. At least I hope it was a candy bar. It didn't smell like dookie around my seat so I am pretty confident that someone didn't take a hard dump in the 3rd row.

So, Carol and I splurged and spent 3 Bucks to see a movie that we both agreed would never be worth $9 at a first run theater. After the movie we kind of wanted our  money back. I think it was worth a dollar....Redbox DVD rental worthy. Nothing more than that.

Now for the Movie

We were a little disappointed that Robert Englund would not be Freddy in this remake. Granted he is 63 years old but it isn't like Freddy is an attractive 30 year old or anything. The actor that portrayed Freddy in the remake is Jackie Earle Haley who has actually been in quite a number of different tv/movie projects but more recently he played Rorschach in Watchmen. I thought he did a great job as Rorschach. As Freddy though....meh.

This review might contain some spoilers....but honestly this is a remake....isn't the entire movie a spoiler???

As the storyline went....it was changed quite a bit but still held onto the whole Freddy will kill you in your dreams thing. Nancy is the only recognizable character. None of the characters are really friends, whereas in the original they were. Tina, Rod, Glen and Nancy made up the group. The other closest to the original would probably be Kris....at least in the original Tina's real name was Christina.

The beginning of the movie jumps right in with a guy who might be in a nightmare but you just don't know until you see Freddy. It also spends the first 1/3 or so of the movie surrounding Kris and her boyfriend. It was a little weird. Kind of like the film people were following Kris around and when she died they all looked at each other, the director said "Well that sucks. What'll we do now? OK here's what we are going to do...keep the cameras rolling and everyone follow Nancy. Now GO!"

The Kill Scenes

No horror movie is worth dirt unless it has some awesome and gory kill scenes. Some of them were OK in the movie. Some...I swear I saw them before somewhere LOL. Kris's death was very similar to Tina's in the original. The opening kill scene.....well just didn't make a whole lot of sense. It suffered from too many special effects. Yes it does happen. I'll tell you about another instance in a bit.

First kill scene....the opening guy ends up kind of killing himself. At least that is what it looked like to witnesses. Of course they couldn't see Freddy forcing Dean to do it. Let's just say that this involved a steak knife and a throat. The problem I had with this was that the steak knife wasn't some sort of serrated Ginsu knife. It was one of the big bulky rounded ones that you find at places like The Golden Corral. What's up with the rounded tip anyway? It's like a safety scissor's version of a steak knife. Sure one could shove a 5" safety knife into one's throat....with enough force one could shove a spoon in there. But to make one clean swipe across the entire throat (buried to the hilt by the way) with a knife that could barely cut against the grain of a fillet Mignon? Maybe if you took the time to saw through the cartilage and tissue, but honestly I don't think so....that might be an experiment worthy of Mythbusters.

Another kill scene that didn't make much sense was when Jesse was in jail. Freddy thrust his entire hand (knives and all) through Jesse's back and out his chest. Of course in Jail all you see is blood and gore erupting out of his chest cavity. He falls onto his stomach and dies. There is no marks on his back at all. So, what's the issue then right? If you remember from the original Rod dies in jail but "hangs himself". This made sense because of all the cameras. The whole thing with Freddy killing is because if there are witnesses no one would believe them. Who is going to believe that a water bed sucked someone into it and spewed them out like Old Faithful filled with tomato soup instead of plain water. (By the way...not in this movie...what? No one has a water bed anymore???) But in jail with all the cameras....that shit will end up on YouTube. Try explaining that one.

Writers take liberties on Freddy's background

In the original Freddy is a child killer. Pretty horrible huh? In 2010 what could possibly be worse than a child killer. Let's make him a pedophile. Yep Freddy liked the kiddies. I think they spent way, I mean WAY, too much time on this. At one point Freddy gave me the Chester the Molester creeps. This was not the way it was supposed to be! Freddy should scare the crap outta me (maybe that was a petrified turd I stepped on) because the boogie man is scary...he will kill you...you can't fall asleep because he wants to kill you. Not because he wants to show you his secret place and give you candy if you will help keep it a secret.

Special effects are only special if used sparingly

Not that I ever thought about proving this as a point but thanks to this movie I can now say "A-ha! It is true." Remember in the original Freddy liked to run his knives along metal and creating little sparks? Pretty cool actually. Now picture him doing this for what seems like an entire football field. Now picture the little sparks looking like someone welding something complete with the sparking fizzle sound. Either that or someone Punk'd Freddy and attached sparklers to his finger tips. It was that ridiculous.

Let's wrap this up folks

So overall am I glad I watched it? Still not sure.
Am I glad I didn't spend $9 when it came out the end of April? Hell's Yeah!
Do I wish I would have gone the Redbox $1 route? Naw...I still had a good time with Carol.
Am I glad I didn't bend over and touch whatever was on the floor? Forever Grateful.

Wednesday, July 7, 2010

A new blog look....a new lease on life.

Not really. I mean yes I do have a new blog look. Fabulous isn't it? Not made by Lena but I still stand by her work. If you scroll back through my past blogs to the second official blog you can find her link. She has some gorgeous layouts that would please just about anyone.

So why am I not using one of hers? No clue. I was still awake at 6am this morning looking for Mr Sleep and not finding him on facebook so I blogged. After writing my heart out for a few minutes and clicking publish post I got a wild hair to look at Blogger's Design feature and found this fabulous orange swirly background.

New background....check.

A New Lease On Life...not today. But then I am pretty satisfied with the way my life is going right now. One would have to be dissatisfied first before needing to embark on a new lease on life right?

Anyway, speaking of where my life is going, it is supposed to be going to shower so I can meet a friend from work at The Great Wall for dinner before heading to the run down CB theater to watch a movie that has been out for a couple of months but not yet on DVD.

What am I going to see? Nightmare on Elm Street. Being a fan of the 80's and the original, Carolyn and I are determined to see what they did to our beloved movie. A pessimist at heart...I am going to see how they completely screwed a classic horror movie.

Creativity. Got It?

A typical night for me after work usually consists of me spending a little time at my computer before heading to bed. Also pretty typical for me is that I tend to get a little sidetracked while obsessively reading my facebook updates. Tonight (or this morning depends on what kind of person you are) was, you guessed it, typical. While deciding if I really wanted to play Farmville (why I even bother I have no idea...I really hate gardening or anything having to do with yard work in reality) or trying to find something uber clever to update my status with I noticed the box of scrap booking items that I have sitting in the corner of my computer room.

The box isn't overly large. About the size of a 1980's boom box with duel cassette decks, not too big but totally rad, it is sitting on top of 3 boxes of books that I have yet to find room for and next to a basket of clothes that could be clean but more likely not. Upon seeing it I remembered that, "Oh yeah!" I totally wanted to put together the most brilliant and beautiful book of memories for myself. And later, when my friends and family paged through it with envy, I was going to make one for them too.

Well, I have the supplies. I have the time. I even have someone who would love to join me in a pseudo scrap booking party. So, what's the problem?

I do not have even one tiny smidgen of creativity in my entire body.

I remember now when I obtained all those wondrous supplies. It was truly glorious. I had various sizes of colorful paper spread out in front of me littered with crafty little decals just ready for some glue. I had the special scissors, the special markers, the special photos! all haphazardly arranged on the floor ready to begin. And there I sat...not sure where to start. I waited for inspiration. I looked at crafting magazines hoping some DIY star would become my muse.

After a little while I opted to flip through my photos in search of...well, anything to help me get started. What I ended up doing is spending an hour or more thumbing through those photos remembering the person, thinking about the place they were taken and in some of them wondering "what was I thinking???"

After going through the entire pile I put them all back into my shoe box packed up all my scrap booking supplies and stuck the entire box into the corner where it has been for awhile.

For those creative souls does creating come easy? Is it just a matter of laying out a few odds and ends of paper, add a little glue, write a little note and *poof* art? Am I one of the few who just can't look at a pile of various things and create beauty?

I think so. Give me a diagram, write me directions, give me step by step instructions....I might be able to copy them. Copy. Yep. Not create but carefully reproduce someone else's vision. At least it would be an excellent reproduction. I would probably even get a ruler out to make sure my ribbon was in the exact same location. I would have to trace any handwritten notes to ensure that my finished product looked as good as the original.

Does my lack of creativity have anything to do with me being completely and utterly anal? I have no clue but it is an interesting correlation. I do know that I humbly bow down to you artsy fartsy people. You rock.

So for now my box of scrap booking supplies still sits in the corner. One of these days I will pull it back out or maybe I will just put it into the closet on the shelf next to my partially completed latch hook rug, my beading supplies, the counted cross stitch project, and the sewing pattern to make my very own window treatments.