Thursday, April 7, 2011

Satan (aka people who want my money) strikes again

So, it's been a bit of a bitch of a day. Sleep was interrupted by Sis who asked me to watch Lil' Princess so she could run and get the rest of the fam lunch. Never mind that it was noon (in my defense I don't fall asleep until 6am or later.) Then off I go to pick up my nephew (who would rather flip me the bird than say hi to me) from school only to get a phone call from him when I am a few blocks away telling me he was going to get a ride with his friend's grandpa. Thank goodness he actually did listen to me when I told him he better not even put one butt cheek into Bud's station wagon or I would download nothing but Barney onto his PSP-Go. Honestly, the fact that he listened to me is amazing because he really doesn't. Perhaps the threat of a Giant Purple Annoying Dinosaur is even enough for a 14 year old. I know it terrifies me.

My car is taking a serious crap. Ok. Not so serious. It still, mostly, starts the first try and isn't leaking anything important. I do, however, need new back breaks, have no shocks/struts to speak of, and I have something hanging down behind my drivers back tire area that scrapes at least four times every time I go over a bump (no shocks/struts remember?)

My dad was admitted into the hospital tonight because of an ongoing leg issue that has not healed for 6 months. That is another rant waiting to happen too by the way but not the topic of this post.

So, while I am sitting in my dad's hospital room helping the nurse with my dad's health history because after two shots for pain he was pretty out of it but was looking forward to the dancing girls who were scheduled to arrive at 8pm, I get a phone call from Satan (again).

After listening to an automated computer bitch telling me that I have an important call from Satan's Medical Clinic and that I should patiently hold while she connects the call unless I wasn't who I say I am then I should tell the real me to contact Satan's Medical Clinic at my convenience. Since I am who I say I am today and the real me did in fact answer my cell phone I held while the 2011 version of the new H.A.L connected me to Satan himself. Strangely enough Satan in now going by the alias Chris and sounds like he is from India. But then since all customer service representatives sound like they are from India no matter which company you call this doesn't really surprise me. You can never get help when you call those help desk numbers so it does logically connect that Satan is behind this....anyway, this is my phone call with Satan.....

Satan: Is this The Pretty Pretty Princess?

Me: Yes it.

Satan: Ma'am {it's heartwarming to know that Satan remembers my pet name...see Satan's First Phone Call} I'm calling about your outstanding bill to Satan's Medical Clinic. Your insurance paid most of the bill it looks like but you still owe one left nut. How will you be paying this tonight?

Me: Are you kidding me?

Satan: We {within the pits of Hell} don't kid.

Me: Really? What about Carson Daly?

Satan: At this time we {the makers of Murder, Mayhem and Liquid Ass Fart Spray} cannot comment about that. Now about this bill...

Me: You mean the bill that I received in the mail today...the first bill I have received from you period...the bill that is only for $83.92 and not for either the left nor the right testicle? Look I don't even have balls!

Satan: Yes Ma'am, if you cannot pay up the left nut at this time may I recommend our easy financial assistance program. We {at the human BBQ pit of eternity} have been very pleased with the progression of this program and do encourage all our clients to utilize this service....um....once.

(Satan then laughed in what probably should have been an evil laugh but sounded more like This)

Me: You know, I'll just take care of this tomorrow. Please don't call me again.

Satan: Um ok good, but are you sure you don't want to check out our financial assistance program?

Me: I'd rather not go down that road at this time...why don't you catch me later in life when I may hook up with a new aged cannibalistic cult bent on eating prebirth babies for breakfast.

Satan: Do you have an address for the leader of that cult?

Me: Um...no...I haven't met him yet but...um...I hear the word on the street is that...um...if any baby eating is going to go down China is the place to look.

Satan: Hmmmmm a form of population control maybe? I like it! So, I'll talk to you soon. Thank you for your time Ma'am. {that Satan, always has to get the last insult in every time.}
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On a higher note while random clicking on youtube I stumbled upon The Annoying Orange and it made me smile. So I leave the Orange with you and maybe it will make you smile too.


1 comment:

  1. Thanks so much for stopping by my site. I'm glad you found it entertaining. It is hard to keep writing consistently. And, I'm not doing enough of it.
    Keep blogging! Oh, and I hate hospitals too.

    ReplyDelete