Saturday, April 30, 2011

Pizza or Asian Hookers

For the last year my friend, BooBooKitty, and I have been eye-spying this "Coming Soon" pizza joint in our smallish city. For reals. It has taken the owners the better part of a year to remodel and open up.

 Being night owls BooBooKitty and I often would drive past to see if they were open or not and we always saw activity inside. At 4am. Seriously, they were "remodeling" at 4am. Allegedly.

It was one of those 4am drive-bys when BooBooKitty asked exactly how long does it takes someone to turn a run down pet store into a pizza place because he didn't think they were really in the pizza business.

This should be disturbing on several levels. Truth be told I was only concerned that all reptilian bodies were long gone before any form of tomato product was brought in. Thinking ahead I was terrified of ordering a pizza in the future and having snake pieces on it.

Reptile issues aside we figured they should have had it completed at least 6 months ago and they must be up to something nefarious. At which time we put our heads together and came up with a short list of things they must be doing instead of fixing up the joint so they could make BooBooKitty a fucking pizza. BooBooKitty is all about the pizza and gets a little irritable when unable to get his fix.

Our list was really short. It actually only had one thing on it because we really aren't creative people and really  are naive when it comes to nefariousness. So we decided that the "Coming Soon" pizza joint was just a front for Asian Hookers.

When that bright idea came to us we no longer had to think of other options. We totally knew it was Asian Hookers and just went with it.

So BooBooKitty said "Why don't you ask your mom about it? She still works across the street right?"

And I'm all like, "Shut the fuck up! My mom's not a hooker!"

At which BooBooKitty rolled his eyes and asked if I suffered a brain injury in my youth.

We did end up asking my mom if she noticed an Asian Hookers sneaking out the back door over there which she never answered. She just gave me that mom look that says "You are on my last nerve."

I see that a lot.

So, for months we drove past looking for the place to be either open or see some guy stumble out the door with a Happy Endings look on his face but we never did (those Asian Hookers are sly let me tell you). What we did see though on a couple of occasions was someone carrying a baby into the supposed pizzeria (at 4am). Which seems like a Hooker thing to do Right? But not necessarily a terrible thing, after all, spending time with your children is a good thing. Bringing your baby to Hook might just be a bonding experience for them.


So last night we went for the first time to the now open pizza place. It was rather anti-climactic. I didn't see even one Asian in the entire place. When we asked where they kept them they acted like they had no clue what we were talking about. I suspect we just didn't know the right Asian Hooker Code Word.

On the upside the pizza was good.



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