Do I take Risks? You know it baby!

Over at Studio Thirty+ the writing prompt of the week is Risk. I wasn't sure if I would participate or not. I mean I haven't participated so far even though I technically have been a member since the beginning of the year. Besides, I never take any kind of risks. Seriously. At least that is what I thought. I had to do a little brain storming about my risks, or lack there of, and realized I'm lucky to be alive. For reals. I should have bit the big one ages ago.

So for your reading enjoyment I bring you.....

Christina Vs. The Time Clock

Oh, sure. You may scoff. Time Clock Schmime Clock. What kind of risky behavior is that? Let me tell you. I play chicken with the time clock every single work day.

My day pretty much starts out the same everysingleday. I set my first alarm for 2 hours before I need to get up because I have somehow convinced myself that if I set it 2 hours before and wake up knowing I will have another two hours of sleep my brain and body will be eternally grateful for the psych out and reap the benefits of an additional 120 minutes of zzzzzzzs.

My second alarm goes off at noon. WTF? Noon? Don'tjudgeme I work nights and have insomnia. Are those violins I hear playing in the background? Whatever.

Anyway, my second alarm goes off at noon which I turn off and then it starts getting interesting and surprisingly enough mirrors the 5 stages of grief.

As I was saying, at noon, my second alarm goes off and I'm all "WTF? Is it really that time again? It can't be. I just went to bed." That's right y'all DENIAL.

Next comes Anger! "OHFORFUCKSAKES! Just another half a fucking hour! That's all I need. Fucking Black Eyed Peas and their I Just Can't Get Enough waking me the fuck up!" Yes, that's right ladies and well, ladies since I don't have any men following my little ol' blog, I swear a whole lot when I wake up.

So then I'm like, "Just another 15 minutes and I'll be good to go." which actually gets said 2 additional times. That's right, Fergie and the rest of the gang gets cussed out at noon, 12:15 and then again at 12:30. Don't worry about, they have thick skin and can take it. So if you aren't keeping track this is the Bargaining stage.

STAGES 4 AND 5: Depression and Resignation....At 12:45 I may or may not start crying. OK, mostly I do whine a lot and throw in a few tears in case someone is watching. I'm also resigned to the fact that I have to get up and get ready for work. I do not like it and think everyday that I should start my day off with a shot of Tequila with a Vodka chaser but I don't (not before I brush my teeth for sure....morning breath really ruins a good alcohol wake up call.)

So far I haven't outline much in the Risk department. I have outlined that I curse a lot, have questionable taste in music and could possibly be a future alcoholic, but wait there's more.....

Once I get out of bed I have 40 minutes to....

• Use the restroom (nothing like that first pee of the day)
• Make my lunch to take to work
• Iron my clothes (just because I'm lazy doesn't mean I have to be wrinkled)
• Shower
• Dress (in wrinkleless clothes)
• Make myself up the best I can (somedays I really could use some Bondo but just don't have time to sand it properly so I work with what I have)

Still not risky huh?

Next I tend to have 18 or 19 minutes to drive from my house to work and punch in. This is where the risk comes in. I'm usually a good driver. I never complain about the way I drive anyway so I must be better than average. For real. I complain about everything.

But anyway, something happens to me when I get behind the wheel when I am fixated on something. Especially when that something is beating the time clock. I honk obnoxiously at little children. I scream at old people with walkers. I tailgate anyone who happens to be in front of me. I flip off the short bus for no apparent reason as I pass them. It isn't pretty. I should be ashamed. I'm not though. Because this method makes me feel better about having to get the fuck out of bed and toe the line for the Man! Power to the People!

Oh so where was I? Oh yes. The drive to work. It can be scary and I would recommend that if you are in the area between 1:45pm and 2pm you just stay off the roads. But if you don't and happen to hear someone calling you an AssHat just ignore the crazy woman. She won't hurt you.....much.

Just so you know I drive to work going 75mph in a 55. It's totally true that if I go that fast on that stretch of highway which happens to only be 3 miles long I will get to work several minutes faster. Ok not really because mathematically speaking if you go 55 it takes approx. 3.3 minutes but if you go 75 it takes about 2.4 minutes which means I don't actually shave off even a minute by risking life, limb and moving violations but whatever, mind over matter people!

Next is finding a parking spot. The casino that I work at employs maybe 800 people. At 2pm I swear that Every. Single. Employee. Is. There. Taking up every single fucking parking spot worth anything. The only ones left are the 6 handicapped spaces and the one compact car spot that has nesting pigeons, um nesting over it. What's a girl to do? Park in the handicapped? Fuck no! That pisses me the fuck off (along with women who use the handicapped stall in public restrooms because they think their fat asses need breathing room. From one fat ass to another...leave that stall for those who really need it! Sorry went on a little tangent.)

So, I risk the paint of my little blue Nissan, run into the building, down 3 flights of stairs, up the long long long employee hallway only to see this....